Dear Lord,

Lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. Everything seems to be taking a turn just when I think I’m finally on the main road. I really wonder why you’re taking me through all of this. I’m doing things I said I’d never do. I seem to be doing the opposite of what I preach. I’m telling people how much you love them and how forgiving you are when in fact I’m not forgiving myself. I’m telling people to come to you in prayers when I’m just going away from you feeling condemned. Oh and I’m ignoring all your signs telling me to let go of this title because I’m getting caught up in works rather than in relationship.

I’m allowing being in ministry to consume my every being, making it an idol. Waking up to messaging people instead of coming into your presence. I like the thought of working for you but this just doesn’t feel right at all. I’m drowning in unhappiness. Smiling on the outside but crying on the inside. I never want to hear depart from me you worker of iniquity. What I’ve come to realise is that working for you means nothing if I don’t know you personally. If I’m too busy to come to the secret place, then it means I’m too busy. NOTHING should take me away from your presence. How is it even possible that I’m doing things my spirit is unhappy about? Falling into the religion mentality. I promise I never want to work on my own strength again. Because I was trying to pour out of an empty cup and that’s not possible. I’m supposed to get filled up daily and then let my cup ran over onto others.

I pray that you do not allow me to work for you if I don’t know you. I pray that you help me get out of this religious mentality I’ve picked up. It’s all about intimacy with you not doing things just so I can tick the box. Because I remember even the times I would actually come to your presence, I’d make it all about me. Setting a timer for an hour to pray just so I can get it out of the way. Rushing through your presence, praying selfish prayers like “increase my ministry”. Instead of praying for your will to be done in my life. I didn’t even wait to just listen to your response to my prayers. I was in a hurry. In a hurry to do your work without you. How shameful. So it came to a place where I’ve missed you so much and I was just constantly crying at the amount of pressure I was getting to do your work. You said your burden is light, so I didn’t understand why I was feeling this kind of burden, I wanted to please everyone so I couldn’t quit. Sharon’s not a quitter I’d say to myself over and over again. So I decided to finally come to you for help, then you opened my eyes to many things I was doing, and told me I had to stop. I just feel like in my walk with you, one minute I’m soaring and then the next minute I’m crashing. But I guess you’re taking me through a process where I would not lean on my own strength.

So I’ve stopped all of this as you’ve instructed me to, and I’m going where you want me to go. A place where I can go deeper and get more intimate with you. A place where our time together is not rushed, I would listen and rest in your presence. I will be still and know that you are God. I’m a bit nervous for what the future holds but I know I’ll be fine as long as I follow your directions.

Yours Faithful Daughter,

Sharon A.

But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

1 Peter 5:10