Reality hit. Reality hit me hard. Reality hit me very hard. In fact it was so hard that I fell. I fell into thinking that God’s love for me was based on my works and my ability to serve him in many places/ways at the same time.

Confused? Alright, let’s rewind.

Last year, I told myself that in 2017 I’m going to do the most for God! I’m going to get out of my normal routines and go the extra mile for God. And of course this was a good aim to have. However, what I didn’t know was that being a girl who only focused on school work and one Sunday service at church to being someone involved in soooooo many things was going to require severe discipline and strength from me.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me though right? Of course! So I was determined to go extra miles. And boy did I do the most. It was so much that I literally began to have no time for myself at all. Balancing uni with so many ministries plus my church, had my week fully packed. Every single week, there was no day I had to myself. But obviously, I didn’t really mind because I was working for God and I felt like I was growing in my Christian walk. Iron sharpens iron!

However, this started to actually have an impact on me, I would constantly be tired and I wasn’t eating very well either. I was just all over the place, going from one place to the other. I would usually get home past midnight and have early starts the next day. I hope you see where this was heading, because I clearly didn’t.

Being extremely busy and doing the most, started to take me away from my quiet time. Not every day, but some days! And time alone with God is crucial. Yes I would pray in fellowships and during evangelism, but it just wasn’t the same as being in the secret place alone with Abba father. Because in the secret place is where He pours into me and speaks to me about the things He wants me to do and the things I need to work on!

So lack of quiet time overtime made me really unhappy and caused me to be stagnant. Did I show that in anyway? Of course not!

I was enjoying serving in ministries and just the thought of me accomplishing what I wanted to do this year, kept me going! In fact on days I had to go to placement instead of going to evangelise, would cause me to feel upset with myself. And I genuinely began to feel like God’s love for me was based on my works.

So long story short, this went on for quite a while. And I kept asking God for strength and telling Him how drained I am and how overwhelmed I was with everything going on. Then all of a sudden, He responded through one of my pastors at church and told me I needed to drop certain things I was doing.

Even though I knew it was God taking some of my burdens away, I didn’t want to believe it. How do you just drop something that’s become a part of you? But then I remembered that if I’m not spending time alone with God, then everything I was doing wasn’t worth it. Because what does it profit a man to gain the world but lose his soul?

So I decided to listen to Abba father, and therefore dropped a few things I was involved in. But was it easy? No no, not at all. In fact I’ve learnt in 2 weeks that there’s a lot of learning and growing I need to do individually. Mainly because I spent many days crying and being emotional at the fact that a part of me was gone. Can you believe I literally sat on my bed the other day, and just didn’t know what to do because I hadn’t had time alone with myself in so long!

So why am I sharing all of this with you? Because I felt led to. I honestly was not going to make any blog posts or any encouragements until I was out of this season of working on my intimacy with God. But I figured, it’s okay. It’s a learning process, and if I’m not transparent with people, they might assume my Christian walk is all roses and petals but it’s not. Diamonds have to go through heat and pressure to become of value!

6 Things you can take from my experience

• You can do more things for God than you think. Don’t be so relaxed in doing the minimum.
• Ensure you maintain consistent time in your secret place and never be too busy to have your quiet time with God!
• Be true to yourself, if things are getting too much, take a break. Be real to how you feel on the inside, never pretend to be happy if you’re not.
• God’s timing is always perfect, trust him. If things don’t go the way you planned it to, then it simply means God has better plans for you. You need to be moulded before you can be presented!
• Christianity is NOT a walk in the park. You need to pick up your cross and follow him no matter what!
• Gods love for you is permanent, it is not based on your works. He is constantly showing you much he loves you in many ways, you just need to embrace it!